sweet darkness

There is too much and too little to say.

I have just returned from a weekend in the mountains where I slept for the first time in weeks.

My stay in Vancouver is coming to an end, and I'm already looking back on my time here. As always, it will be hard to fly away from the great Pacific oceans and mountains that climb into the cloudy sky.

I will be leaving with rich memories, many sleepless nights, countless bottles of wine, new an old friendships sparking through rainy nights.

I have let go for the first time in months, and am happy to see this side of myself again.

My internship has come to an end, and finished off with many words of encouragement and sweet goodbyes. It was an experience that will stick to me for years. There were days when I shook from too many cups of coffee and lack of sleep, grew tired of my computer screen and felt uninspired. But there were days where I was trusted to do and learn, and test my feet out in the field. There were days where I laughed enough with the people around me that the hours went by seamlessly. I got to throw out story ideas, feed off of others, learn through practice and observation.

Starting tomorrow I begin my internship at a radio station for a week. I thrive off the thought of trying out a new environment, the fear that will come at first, and the lessons that will be learnt along the way.

And once this is done, I will say my goodbyes, pack my bags, and possibly shed a few tears as my plane makes it's way over the mountains and out of Vancouver. Luckily, France awaits, and this little adventure of my life continues.

Sweet Darkness

When your eyes are tired
the world is tired also.

When your vision has gone
no part of the world can find you.

Time to go into the dark
where the night has eyes
to recognize its own.

There you can be sure
you are not beyond love.

The dark will be your womb
tonight.

The night will give you a horizon
further than you can see.

You must learn one thing:
the world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn

anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive

is too small for you.

- David Whyte

take the time for me

I leave Vancouver in a few weeks time, before I go I'd like to:

-Read a good book
-Walk the sea wall more
-Go hiking if it ever stops raining
-Devote less time to drinking martinis, and more time remembering my weekends
-Go to Whistler, just to breathe the mountain air
-Go to Value Village, if only to reminisce on my favorite place to shop in highschool
-Bake biscotti
-Make soup
-Spend an entire night dancing like a fool, unaware of anyone else in the room
-Learn as much as I can in the newsroom
-Take a ferry somewhere, anywhere
-Take the time to hear my thoughts

beat down on this heart of mine

With the final votes in America made history.

At home with a cold, I cough and sneeze victoriously, and hope that every articulate word out of the new president's mouth will be realized over the following years.

That maybe, the economy can start to crawl back up again. That maybe, small income families will be better off. That maybe, we can put an end to the war, and that pulling out won't lead to worse chaos. That maybe all of America can set prejudice aside and love a half black president and open their minds a little. The fact that he won by a long shot is a good start.

In my own life I am striving for change as well. Little by little I am starting to feel like the whimsical, poetic, strong-willed female I thought I was starting to lose.

I am proving to myself above anyone else what I'm capable of.

I have recently been thrown into a new world. A new city, the beautiful, rain drenched city of Vancouver, with mountains that climb into the clouds and an ocean that stretches on forever.

I have been thrown into a newsroom, with serious stories and people that have a great sense of humor and understanding of the world. I have learnt how empowering it is to know what's going on all around me. I have seen how confident I feel even in new situations, and that there may be a place in this industry for me.

Today the rain falls heavily, a grey Saturday morning, but my heart is optimistic as I deal with other changes.

the man behind the log

A beautifully done Vancouver documentary.

vote

A nice message from food.

vote for change

a bientot mes amis

My parents slipped away, somewhere in between the time I fell asleep on the sofa, moved to my bedroom, and awoke early this morning.

After a night of Chinese takeout, attempts at making a classic martini, rich conversation and wordy fortune cookies, I realized I'm really going to miss these two.

"You know you're the only one I tell these things to," I say to my mother, whispering her things I can barely say to my own shadow.

There was a note this morning, in perfect handwriting, 'Bye my loves, see you in France'. In around a month by brother and i will join those two crazy kids in the South of France for Christmas.

For now, this big empty house tells me memories from my childhood in every room. I'll miss their company, our meals, and my mother's persistence in driving me to work when she knows I can just as easily take the bus.

Part of me is looking forward to the silence, quiet moments with my thoughts, and being forced to be on my own for a while. I enjoy my own solitude and it's rare that I have it.

I'm looking forward to the rest of my stay in this incredible city, and relishing the new wave of inspiration that has flooded over me recently.

Life is far from perfect but it feels pretty good these days.

A bientot mes amis, I'll see you in France.