nobody's going to break my stride
In the past couple of weeks I had three interviews for a store I was convinced I was made for.
After three positive interviews I walked with my head held high. I had my life together. They liked me. The future looked bright. After my third interview, I was told they would call the next night if I got the job.
Around the time of my second interview I also stopped into an acting/modeling agency. I sat in a chair while a woman talked a mile a minute about what was required. I was measured. She told me I had to be outgoing with a good personality and I nodded. I was dead in my seat, silenced by the strength in her voice. Silenced by the fact that I have no real passion to act or model, but want to master auditions to prepare for a career in broadcast.
I was told they only take a limited amount of people. If anyone in the agency looked like me I wouldn’t make it. She said she would call me the week after.
Neither company called me back.
I called the clothing store, where the woman explained they don’t call you back if you don’t get the job.
I put the figment of champagne away.
I sunk into my chair. My breath felt stifled. My mind raced. What had I said wrong? Did I talk too fast? Do I come off phony? Was I too honest when asked about my weaknesses (I said I was a lush)?
And the main thought running through my head: why does nobody want me?
I walked it off and came back to my senses.
It’s time I learn to handle rejection if I plan on surviving a day in this world.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what’s important. And what if my mistakes, my faults, the good days, bad days, great food and moments of true happiness are what really matter?
What if instead of being set on the final destination, I enjoy the journey there?
I handled two rejections and I plan on handling a lot more.
Not everyone can like me. If they did, I’d probably be a very boring person.
I still have a lot to learn, but I’m taking notes.
"Be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves liked locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer." - Rilke