mars is a long way away from venus

Even the simplest of relationships have the ability to create storms in my mind. Smooth sailing just seems so unheard of as soon as someone else is on board. And even when all is still, I've got to rock the boat, and it's usually my fault that I end up drowning.

Looking through old poetry, I know it's always been this way.

---

Tasteless

I think I was drunk half the time
When I was with you,
I wanted to take the edge off,
I thought it would make things easier;
Maybe I'd speak my mind,
Discover your body,
Discard my clothes,
But I shied out every time.
I was afraid, and so were you,
I think we made each other nervous.
You read me your journal,
Strummed your guitar,
Tried to find a purpose.
All this time
I lay on your bed,
Wishing you'd touch me instead.

I didn't understand your body language,
I never knew what you wanted,
I thought about you too much;
My thoughts made you flawless.
Whenever I had you
I didn't know what to do with myself,
My hands didn't know how to find you
My lips moving,
Always moving,
Bad joke after bad joke.
I couldn't say anything that meant anything;
I laughed my way out of knowing you,
Until my phone stopped ringing,
Your eyes fell off my face;
Left with nothing but the thought of you
A love that had no taste.

---

Thoughts On A Night's Walk

How can I believe you?
Your conscience is drowning,
Your hands are shaking,
And your head is heavily pounding.
You talk about love,
But your words have slurred into one.
Your hands try to find me,
Try to make me come undone,
Your mouth tries to persuade me,
And says I’m the only one.

I walked home in the cold
Among unfamiliar faces,
Couples wrapped up in each other,
Headed different places.
The rain ran down my back,
And I knew I should go home,
But my mind had gone off track,
So I kept walking on my own.
And I kept mistaking the leaves
For broken beer bottles,
And seeing your face in puddles.
I walked right into them,
And you soaked me to the bone.

I've run into nothing
And everything at once,
Smoking your rolled cigarettes
I loved you more than once,
More than twice.
And you keep saying
How I'm your everything,
But you won’t look me in the eyes,
Making everything mean nothing.
I’m tired of lies,
Of empty words,
Promises broken in half,
No truth left to honest eyes.

You clutter my mind
Like the boxes in my basement
That I tried to hide away;
I only want to talk to you
But there's nothing left to say.
I'm always waiting for you
When you don't come,
Loving you
When we've come undone.
How can I stay with anyone
When I've split up with myself?

---

Consumption

You handed me your heart
Bleeding raw on a platter,
And I tore it apart
Because to me it didn't matter.

I ate it with greed;
Complained it tasted too sweet,
I'm not what you need
All I have is conceit.

I fed you numerous lies,
Simply because I was bored;
I kissed all the other guys
Because you said you wanted more.

My lips are guilty, stained with blood,
My face gone pale, as your sad eyes flood.