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Tuesday, August 01, 2006

will you still love me tomorrow?

I thought I’d feel relaxed by now.

But sometimes event the South of France can’t tame a restless soul.

I try to relax. I have another drink, eat well, listen to music and speak with old friends.

But I go to bed lonely, wake up with a hangover, and can’t seem to loosen these tense post-Paris bones.

I didn’t expect to feel this way. My time here is short and I feel pressured to enjoy it, but I’m still catching my breath.

Meanwhile, I’m also trying to keep my heart in tact.

My old flame, who fell into my arms in Paris, has left me to wilt. He has a girlfriend, and rather than talk about it, is avoiding me like wildfire. My heart shrivels up inside every time he turns his back to me, not because of love, but because of feeling unloved.

And yet life goes on in the South of France, a place I have claimed as my personal paradise. The weather isn’t as hot-and neither is my sex life-but beauty still clings to every sunflower and dirty road.

I can still lose myself in the reggae music, playing out in a field, a mass of teenagers sprawled out around a liquor table. The vodka doesn’t hit me like it used to, and I ache for the pleasure of being sober, a simple glass of wine, and the acquired elegance I’m trying to call my own.

I can still walk these streets clinging to my mother, as we giggle and stumble over cobblestones, our voices ringing through the town square.

I can still walk into the Tuesday market, make small- talk with grinning vendors, and feel at home among the crates of dirty vegetables and tables of foie gras.

I stand among beauty and must gather my strength for the days to come. Remember to hold my head high like I learnt on the streets of Paris, no matter how many times I slipped and fell. Remember to speak my mind like a true French woman, instead of taming my thoughts with liquor and sugar coating my words.

I’ve come a long way, and I have to realize that there’s no stopping me now.

castelnau de montmiral

5 Comments:

Blogger Sky said...

You can do anything you want - what a lesson! Congrats on your success and good luck in the future which awaits you.

Your photos of northern France are delightful. Hope you and your mom have a restful reunion and great fun in London. Keep us entertained here as you take on the next challenge before you. :)

2:23 AM  
Anonymous mickey said...

Reading your posts over the last year has shown that you are a strong person who can see the beauty in all that is around you. Hold you head high. You deserve to be loved unconditionally for the beautiful person that you are. It will come, be patient.

I have enjoyed reading your experiences in Paris and look forward to my own visit this fall. Would you mind writing some of your favorite restaurants, museums or must sees? It's always more exciting to hear it from a "local" than figuring it out in a short period of time.

12:23 PM  
Anonymous Florent said...

Yes, I will ! :)

I just love your blog, reading you is un vrai plaisir !

Take care,

Florent.

1:42 PM  
Anonymous Josie said...

I have similar sentiments as many readers here. I just started reading your blog over the past few weeks, and it's been a great read. You've identified many thoughts in my mind as well in terms of personal growth. Like Mickey here, I'll also be visiting Paris (for the first time). Would greatly appreciate if you would share some of your favourite restaurants, museums and towns. Merci Gillian.

Thanks for sharing your stories and thoughts.

3:42 PM  
Blogger Gillian Young said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Such uplifting comments really make my day.

Mikey and Josie, I hope the next post helps you out a little!

7:20 AM  

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