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Sunday, November 07, 2004

so lush, so lust

Every Sunday the Toronto Star features one of the seven sins. This week's sin: lust. Lust is the flirty glances exchanged with a stranger. The time you spend thinking about them, the possibilities. Dancing a little..close. Hands with a mind of their own. The back cavern of your mind, where anything, oh yes anything, can happen.

lips, originally uploaded by gill.

Last night was lush and lustful. VIP section brimmed with young men and women, many from Vancouver. Trays of drinks kept arriving. A big bottle of vodka rested in a bed of ice. "Fabio" had a table reserved next to us, young men just begging the ladies to take one shot. I denied.

"Okay then half a shot?"
"No I'm working tommorrow"
"Come on.."

The dancing was hot. Girl on girl. Girls on guy. Guys on girl. So close you knew what kind of deodorant the other used. What they were drinking. Wether they smoked or not.

Had lustful moments with a semi-stranger. No touching, no lips, but glances, a grasp of the hand, conversation. Lately my moments of intimacy seem to be as much as a grasp of the hand. It happens quickly, unconsciously. My hand fits into a stranger's. It feels like much more than a sloppy drunken kiss. This fleeting moment and touch stays with me for weeks. The feeling coming back to me when I least expect it.

My friend tried to get me to come on to him more, "you know he wants you."

"Yeah but I'm tired of being the one to chase. I'm always chasing."

And all my broken hearts came back to me. Me chasing the unattainable. Trying to grasp something that doesn't exist with someone where it just doesn't work. Running away when it might.

Not much later I was in a taxi. Window open, cold wind hitting my face.


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