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Wednesday, October 27, 2004

get lost in me

No matter how gut wrenchingly sad I may feel, I think it has to be felt. Raw emotion is powerful. It moves you to write, to spill your heart. It feels good to feel. To lose the numbness of day to day existence and feel. Sometimes I want to grab and shake people and make them feel. To break social boundaries and scream.

I want to write so that you feel what I feel. Get lost in my eyes. See everything in the same haze. The people that stand out. Everyone deserves to be lost in. But for now, get lost in me. Fall in love with me.

Feel the frustration of everything that's never good enough, and then a world that is so overwhelmingly wonderful it hurts.

I'm lost in words and lost in myself right now; this stream of consciousness is all I know.

I read through my old poems. There's always this pacing around in my thoughts. This resentment, this loss. This sense of living in a perfect world that's right in all the wrong ways.

My music sings "is it okay if i call you mine, just for a time?", a young man singing alongside his guitar. The purity of his voice make me tense up. My eyes glaze over. Memories of too many loves gone wrong. Too many words unsaid.

My fingers are long and thin, and they move, and they write these words, but they have no direction. They're only getting lost in me.


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