this morning

This morning my emotions fluctuate like waves on the water.

I have no idea how people do jobs that involve hard labour. After a week of school, socializing, and a weekend of working, I went to bed at nine last night as my body couldn't take anymore. After sitting staring at the wall for a good 30 minutes I knew I was tired. Practically too tired to brush my teeth I dragged sad sorry body to bed.

Today I go to work again...hopefully revitalized even though I woke a few times in the night. I never sleep enough. I think too much, wake up and pace, then toss and turn in my bed half the night. I wake up with the sun.

I worry about my writing. I read some blog entries shamefully. So effortless, so dry, so barely thought provoking. I put so much energy into everything else that when it comes to writing I just want it to seep out of me. To write beautifully it's not that easy.

I'm taking on more and more in the store. My boss, owner, designer, and head honcho of the store is going on vacation. I have my own key now and open up the store, get everything ready. I am learning to pin. To fix mistakes on the cash register. To wrap. Take orders. Write up alteration slips. Find people's fixed alterations. All the while trying to be cheery and sell to customers. I love to learn and it's invigorating, but by the time I've walked home and taken the elevator up to floor 14 my body is numb.

I've found that a lot of the combinations and clothing I suggest to customers sell well. This puts me on a cloud, blissfully happy to know my eye is working for me. Working as a stylist is one of my dream jobs.

This morning there's a baby blue sky and the sidewalks are painted white.

I am trying to stretch, listen to music, and ease myself into the day. There's still so much to learn.

***

Last night, barely awake, taking pictures of myself to see how tired I looked in comparison to how I felt. My face doesn't lie.


Very early this fine morning.