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Sunday, November 04, 2007

run, walk, crawl

We sit in across from each other under dim lighting.

I take a sip of my red wine and it goes straight to my head. These days one glass is enough.

I spent the day with a nutritionist, going over foods that will help calm my insomnia and my anxiety. My sleeping is worse than ever with the stress of school and work. She told me I need to cut out sugars, white flour, and focus on foods that will give my body the energy it needs.

My boyfriend tries to understand me, and maybe he does. He tells me to relax more.

If I could I would.

He tells me to stop putting so much on my plate. Every day I have a new dream, a new goal, something more I want to do.

He knows me well.

He's right, and yet I love my wild and crazy dreams, and my urge to take on everything I can.

At one point, my eyes start to water.

He asks me what I'm thinking.

"Sometimes it just all seems so hard. Even the easy things, things other people make look simple. Like sleeping, eating, and getting stuff done."

I take another sip of wine.

The more I question my abilities the more my eyes water.

"You're right," he says, "life can seem so easy sometimes, and sometimes everything is just hard."

We sit in silence, and then, somehow, he finds a way to make me laugh.

My problems are out in the air and no longer seem so daunting.

We pay our bill and walk away from the restaurant, tugging our jackets closed as we fight the cold wind.

shadows

"Run when you can, walk when you have to, crawl if you must; just never give up." -Dean Karnazes (Runner)

4 Comments:

Blogger Anthony said...

It helps to know that we all struggle at times, that we all have to crawl. Yet when we're able to run, we realise the value in our struggles.

(I love the shadows in the picture.)

5:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should find a good homeopath who will help sort out your problems.

2:22 PM  
Blogger Jess said...

I always want to offer you advice to conquer your insomnia--but I have none. Plus, you probably get enough of unsolicited advice from people as it is.

I was an insomniac until I was about 21. I've only learned to sleep in the last one or two years. I used to lay awake as a kid, playing with my toys in the dark for hours on end. What child is an insomniac? Really, it's ridiculous when you think about it.

Anyway, Natty and I are hooked on smoothies lately.

One banana. Frozen fruit of your choice. 1 tbls. ground flax seed and 1 tbls hemp protein (or hemp oil). Almond milk. (I use vanilla for more flavour.) 1 tbls. agave nectar. Delicious and good for your digestive system.

6:08 PM  
Anonymous cHip=Cool+Hip said...

Within two weeks (of going twice a week), Bikram yoga, the hot kind, had me sleeping through the night. It was a miracle. I took a six week hiatus this past summer while travelling. The sleep benefits lasted three weeks before the waking up began again. I'm raced back to Bikram when I got home. I have to say, sleep makes me a much nicer person! Give it a try, Gill. Your skin will feel like a million bucks after sweating all the toxins out. Good luck!

7:34 PM  

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