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Monday, January 28, 2008


car sales
street art
whole pig
chestnut cake

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Friday, January 25, 2008

pick me up love

Sunlight spills through my room and a cold breeze from the window glides across my bare back.

The morning is welcoming, but I don't want to get out of bed.

I'm afraid of getting up and facing how I feel. I dig deeper into my covers and dream of staying there forever.

The phone rings, and my roommate comes into my room and hands me the phone.

"How do you feel?"

It's my boyfriend, I called him last night and wound up crying for no reason in particular. I'm down, I've been pushing it away, but I can't deny that I just don't feel like myself these days. It's January and the post-holiday blues have settled in. These days I have to scrape for the self-confidence I seemed to be drenched in during December.

"Groggy," I answer, "but maybe better."

I eventually get up and slowly get ready for work. I paint some life into my face. I pull on an outfit to suit my mood, black on black, and slip out the door and into the cold.

The sunshine immediately makes me feel better.

At work, I talk to customers, give the best advice I can, and joke about the January blues.

The more I talk about it the more manageable it seems. Most people I talk to are feeling the same way. My roommate and I talk about wanting to scream and cry at the same time, and end up laughing about it, bonding over it.

Winter won't last forever. I know this. I know that I can't control feeling like this right now.

I plan on pulling myself out of bed every morning until it becomes easier.

winter has come

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Monday, January 21, 2008

morning sun

It’s bitter cold outside.

My body aches for summer, but I’m finding comfort in brisk walks, cooking spicy meals, drinking large mugs of tea and bundling myself up with my boyfriend.

This morning I rode the streetcar to school as the sun was rising. The stores were closed, and the streets were silent and still.

When I came home after school a man came to the door with a package for me. The rest of my books I received for Christmas arrived. By the time I'm done reading these books winter should be over and I'll be happily strutting around without a winter jacket again.

Until then, you can find me hurrying down the street with a scarf wrapped around my face, hands in my pocket, or riding the streetcar in the morning sun.

drive by
early morning streetcar
my books!

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Monday, January 14, 2008

new year, new you!

I have no New Years resolutions.

I'm not looking to become a new person this year, to join a gym, go on a diet or get a boob job (I can't afford one anyways). But I do want to move forward.

When I was at home over Christmas I threw away old journals, art work, photographs and report cards. I held onto a few precious pieces, kept a shoebox of photos and a few ripped pages from my diaries.

I used to think that someday I would publish all my old journals into a novel. But my teenage years were so filled with angst that I would rather keep those words to myself. It took a long time to get rid of that angst, and I felt a sense of relief as I tossed them into plastic garbage bags.

I don't want to forget all the stages of my life, or all the parts of who I am, but I do want to get rid of excess baggage, to own little and travel through life lightly.

For now I have a lot I want to accomplish in this city. I want to build my resume, work towards my career, hold onto my relationship, and throw some amazing dinner parties.

I want to be present in the moment, to start a new journal, and maybe hold onto it this time.

sketch portrait

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Wednesday, January 02, 2008

viva las vegas and a happy new year

Somehow I found clarity in Vegas.

Among the ringing slot machines, waitresses in short skirts, high rollers at the roulette tables and women in silk shirts and spandex, I found moments to reflect over the year.

My stay in Vancouver and the rush of seeing so many people at once had my head spinning. I lost myself for a moment in all of the Christmas parties and celebrations.

But as I kicked back vodka sodas, kept most of my money in pocket, and took in the sights and sounds of Vegas, I came back to myself.

On New Year's day we took a helicopter ride into the Grand Canyon, where we stopped for champagne and breakfast, took in the silence and beauty of the scene, and flew back over the Las Vegas strip. I was filled with a sense of freedom and gratitude that life can offer such a moment. It was a perfect way to start the year.

It's been another year of new discoveries and experience. Another year to grow as a person, to run, walk, crawl, scream, laugh, cry and take life for what it is.

This year I started my first real relationship. It's been 8 or 9 months now and I still have no urge to run in the other direction. Our relationship is strong, healthy, and honest, and I can't wait to be back in his arms when I get back to Toronto.

This year I learnt to be a bartender, felt my arms grow strong, mastered the beer keg, mimosas and martinis, and then officially quit my job for the first time because I knew it wasn't for me.

This year I went back to France, ate cheese and bread like a queen, slept in a car on the side of the road coming back from the Mediterranean, and realized I'm no longer in love with my French ex-boyfriend.

This year I drove to Vermont with my mother, saw my cousin married at a horse ranch, and danced the night away with my family.

This year I learnt to produce, edit, report and host radio shows, and became the class's first official food reporter.

This year I studied music, geography of food, pop literature of sensation, and managed to get through them all alive.

This year I started a new job at a high end clothing store and managed to be the top salesperson on several accounts by being honest and being myself.

This year I managed to balance my relationship, job and school, while not going completely insane.

This year I went to Vegas, kept most of my money, woke up each morning without a hangover, and brought in the new year with my beloved brother.

I plan on coming out every year a little stronger, a little wiser, and a little more comfortable in my skin. With this in mind, I think 2008 year has a lot waiting for me.

grand canyon
gill and bren
ready for take off
pilot gill
b boy
welcome 2008