I guess I lied a little in my description:
'I'm not a romantic at heart. But as a true sensualist I love good food, good music, good conversation and good times. I'm looking for someone artistic and compelling, easy to talk to and passionate about life.'
I am a bit of a romantic, and yet, as a complicated female, I don't always like the romantic type. I don't want a guy who shows up at our first date with flowers, writes me a poem or tries to hold my hand while we're walking down the street. This kind of swooning, with the wrong man, makes me want to projectile vomit like the little girl in Poltergeist. (A good party trick for Halloween.)
I woke up one groggy morning two days ago, looking far from beautiful, and joined lavalife. Lavalife is a singles network, where you can sign up for free, create a profile, and flirt back and forth with other members by sending messages and smiles.
I know a lot of people who have gotten lucky with this website. I mean literally, they got lucky. They found someone attractive, met them for drinks, took them for home and made the headboard of their bead bash against the wall in such a way that even a neighbour couldn't complain without blushing.
Tired of complaining about my own love life, and tired of how complicated the mating game is in this country, I thought I might as well jump in head first.
After posting a head shot, stating I was slim, non-religious, drank often and smoked occasionally, I added a short write-up, and had a few responses within minutes.
Sunny Sunshine wrote: 'sup .. hope ya day is going well! :) peep my profile and let me know if u wanna chat .. can add me on msn at email@example.com ... toodles! ... xox'
His picture revealed a man hiding behind bamboo sticks in a fedora. Attractive, yes, but I question whether he's hiding more than half of his face on purpose.
On closer inspection of his profile, I decide I'm definitely not interested. Although I guess I already knew that when he used the word 'toodles'.
'I can be whatever you want me to be ... im a human and im mysterious ... im your reflection ... if you shed goodness ... i will absorb light ... if you shed badness ... i will be lost in the dark ... '
The rant goes on, but I'll spare you the embarassment.
I now have 58 messages in my inbox, mostly from men with names like: 'MRLATINO', 'BRINGINSEXYBACK', 'IM_UR_MAN'. And 102 'smiles', a flirting mechanism, waiting for my response.
It's hard. I either cringe at profile write-ups or photographs. But in all honesty, a guy who's 50 years old with grey hair, or 22 years old with a goatee and a photo up of his abs, is not up my alley.
I don't fall for someone easily, and it's usually a certain style or manner that sweeps me away. Unfortunately, this is hard to observe through online profiles.
If nothing else, this may give me the extra push to pursue the right guy in the flesh, because he's obviously pretty hard to find.