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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

i start reading books halfway through

When people ask what I do, I usually pause. Then I try to explain. "I'm a full-time student, in my last year of studying broadcast journalism, I run a private dining company with a chef and do catering events with another company."

And then worse, they usually ask "What do you want to do eventually?" I pause again. The simplest answer is "Food journalism." But the most honest answer is: "Write a guide book, live in Japan, host a food related show, practice yoga in India, run a bed and breakfast, buy and sell property around the world, go to Africa, become a producer, publish a cook book, meet lots of great people, learn to ride a bike, and most importantly own a garden."

I try to keep my answers short and sweet, but lately I find it easier to be honest. The best part is that every time I open up to people they unravel before me. People I hardly know have started telling me about their childhoods, their insecurities, their sex lives, their fears...

"I don't usually tell anybody this..." they say, surprised by the words spilling out of their mouths.

As human beings we all have simple, basic needs: food, shelter, love and sex. But we aren't simple. We have complicated histories, love lives, families, thoughts and emotions.

"How are you?"
"I'm good."

Really?

"What do you want to do with your life?"
"I don't know."

You must have some ideas.

Being honest is difficult. I go through stages where I keep my emotions and opinions locked away inside of me. This continues until I eventually break open, ending up in hysterics, overwhelmed by how strongly I feel, my breath heavy, eyes wet with tears.

Every time I do it's incredibly painful, but when I'm done expressing myself I feel weightless.

I have cried more in the past few months than I have for a very long time. But right now, I feel as if I could fly.

How am I?

Excited about my future, nervous about which direction to take, and happy about where I am in life.

Gillian at HL

4 Comments:

Blogger Miss Brisbane said...

Good on you. :) There is a peace which comes from your photo too. Sounds like you're on the right track.

x

12:32 AM  
Blogger Mirella said...

To be able to make people open up to you is quite a gift. You might want to add that in your list and may be, write people's lives. It's a nice way of meeting interesting people...

Good luck!

2:18 AM  
Anonymous Nettika (aka: your lover) said...

come on down my way....i cant publish your book, but i can sure teach you how to ride that pink bike of yours...

2:25 PM  
Blogger Lacey @ The Road is Life said...

oh yeah--- i think we have very similar dreams... and you can do them all, just remember to love the moment-- that's where life is juicy and vibrant! All those dreams, they'll come... I just know it!

Your last few posts have been fabulous--

xxx

5:22 PM  

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