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Tuesday, February 01, 2005

my cold cold heart

My mood suits the temperature. Below zero.

I'm a mess. I take a walk, go into stores, look around, and leave. I go outside and don't bring a jacket. I know I should, but part of me wants to feel the cold. I think I should add more colour to my wardrobe; I end up wearing all black.

I try and eat healthy. I'm not even hungry but I eat solid meals until my stomach feels it's about to burst. I'm afraid that if I lose weight I'll look even more sullen and depressed.

I want to go to the gym, but my energy is so low. How did I get so low?

I'm colder towards other people than usual, I can't fake warmth. I can't pretend anyone can make me feel better.

I got an email today about how to beat the winter blues. It listed things like: eat healthy, catch more sleep, relax, exercise; treat yourself. I'm trying.

It hurts. It doesn't matter how bright the sky is when you're down, everything still looks as dark.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know the feeling.
It doesn't matter how much light and warmth you're surrounded by, everything is still dark. Sometimes the warmth makes it worse.

But eventually, you'll come to, and somehow, you will have figured it out.

In the meantime, download some theme songs to TGIF shows (Step by Step, Family Matters, Full House etc.) They're hillarious for one thing, and completly saturated with a feel good message. It's hard not to laugh a little.

Cheers,
Georgia of hellojed.net

6:28 PM  
Blogger Just Another Dick said...

Step by step was an amzingly underrated family show.
Eff Family Matters and Full House.

Starting to miss those warm Van winters? Yeah I just moved to the East and I am a basket case. When not wanting to stab my floormates I'm usualy found lying arround doing nothing at all.

On a lighter note seeing someone feeling like crap makes me think if good ol G-Unit: "Joy wouldn't feel so good if it weren't for pain." So I'm pretty sure that for every shit day comming your way, something good is just over the horizon.

Cheers,
Westwood

9:51 PM  

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