i only sleep when i'm with you
I lay in bed for hours, not anxious, but wired, adrenaline running through my body, my eyes darting around the room.
This week is my last week of school. After that I have a couple of weeks before my final exam and then I'm done. Four years of school and a Bachelor's degree in broadcast journalism will be tucked under my arm as I board the plane to Vancouver. For the first time since I was a young teenager, I will be spending an entire summer at home.
In August my brother gets married, and then I may take off and travel, or return for work depending on the circumstances. It's nice not knowing. It comforts me to know that there is always the possibility of travel, and that when Paris or London whisper my name I can call back "I'm coming!"
I flew home a week ago to surprise my mom for her 60th birthday. I was presented with a bow on my collar, a gift from my aunt, to my shocked mother at a nail salon downtown. She stood speechless and took me in her arms. My short stay was full of celebration, and I was overwhelmed by love towards the people at home. My mother stuck true to being sexy at sixty and was radiant at her birthday party. When I saw my dad for the first time and he hugged his arms around me I was overwhelmed by the love and familiarity than ran through my body. I also got to see family friends over the years, to spend time with my new beau who makes my heart flutter more every time I see him, and to re-acquaint myself with my cousin, his wife and children.
Some of the highlights of my weekend included doing my make-up for the party with my six-year-old cousin, who put eye shadow on her nose and her chin declaring "I'm a laadddyy, putting on my make-up!" And going to the Vancouver Art Gallery with my mother, where one exhibit allowed us to play electric guitars, drums, a keyboard and to sing into a microphone in a soundproof room, all of the sounds playing in the lobby downstairs. Needless to say we unleashed our inner rockstars and I made my mom laugh by screaming into the microphone and telling everyone to get out of the lobby.
There is something special about coming home after being away for so many years. For the longest time I wanted to get as far away from Vancouver as possible and these days I can't think of anything more wonderful than spending a few months under a backdrop of mountains and the Pacific Ocean. I am no longer the young woman who dreaded the halls of my high school and dreamed of graduating as quickly as possible. I have graduated, I have seen more of the world, and I'm ready to come home.
And so I lie awake at night, not anxious, but excited. Dreaming with eyes wide open of all the things I want to do with my future.