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Monday, April 06, 2009

i only sleep when i'm with you

It's early in the morning and I'm awake, cup of tea in hand, after having been up most of the night.

I lay in bed for hours, not anxious, but wired, adrenaline running through my body, my eyes darting around the room.

This week is my last week of school. After that I have a couple of weeks before my final exam and then I'm done. Four years of school and a Bachelor's degree in broadcast journalism will be tucked under my arm as I board the plane to Vancouver. For the first time since I was a young teenager, I will be spending an entire summer at home.

In August my brother gets married, and then I may take off and travel, or return for work depending on the circumstances. It's nice not knowing. It comforts me to know that there is always the possibility of travel, and that when Paris or London whisper my name I can call back "I'm coming!"

I flew home a week ago to surprise my mom for her 60th birthday. I was presented with a bow on my collar, a gift from my aunt, to my shocked mother at a nail salon downtown. She stood speechless and took me in her arms. My short stay was full of celebration, and I was overwhelmed by love towards the people at home. My mother stuck true to being sexy at sixty and was radiant at her birthday party. When I saw my dad for the first time and he hugged his arms around me I was overwhelmed by the love and familiarity than ran through my body. I also got to see family friends over the years, to spend time with my new beau who makes my heart flutter more every time I see him, and to re-acquaint myself with my cousin, his wife and children.

Some of the highlights of my weekend included doing my make-up for the party with my six-year-old cousin, who put eye shadow on her nose and her chin declaring "I'm a laadddyy, putting on my make-up!" And going to the Vancouver Art Gallery with my mother, where one exhibit allowed us to play electric guitars, drums, a keyboard and to sing into a microphone in a soundproof room, all of the sounds playing in the lobby downstairs. Needless to say we unleashed our inner rockstars and I made my mom laugh by screaming into the microphone and telling everyone to get out of the lobby.

There is something special about coming home after being away for so many years. For the longest time I wanted to get as far away from Vancouver as possible and these days I can't think of anything more wonderful than spending a few months under a backdrop of mountains and the Pacific Ocean. I am no longer the young woman who dreaded the halls of my high school and dreamed of graduating as quickly as possible. I have graduated, I have seen more of the world, and I'm ready to come home.

And so I lie awake at night, not anxious, but excited. Dreaming with eyes wide open of all the things I want to do with my future.

mom and I
art de vivre
mom's 60th


Anonymous Georgia said...

All through high school I dreamed of graduating and getting the hell out Vancouver. Then I did. I've been back now for 8 months, and I'm already getting cabin fever. I'm leaving again in August, and I can't wait.

But then you have days like today, where the weather is great, and you drive down Pacific Boulevard by the water, past the palm trees and the joggers and think, why would anybody ever want to leave this place?

12:02 PM  
Anonymous indiazi said...

I'm so proud of you :)

You've marched forward with your sleeve on your heart, always matching your vulnerability with courage and strength.

You put yourself out there, pushing beyond your comfort zone, but never when you dangled on the edge of discovery forgot your sense of home and all the meaningful people you treasure.

You're such an inspiration.

You're writing style is always so simple, but says so much without ever overstating it.

You've done it! Congratulations :D

Bask in the beauty of this un-blazed trail.

Stay committed and strong to love and light...loving and lighting the world one graceful step at a time.

6:52 AM  

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